How to Flirt Over Text (for teen girls), Wikihow

A Poem by Lydia by Amelia by Lydia and Amelia

When Lydia Okrent started as Critical Correspondence co-editor, Amelia Bande had been at the job for nine months. Understandably, Amelia considered herself "boss." Amelia would send Lydia detailed emails with lists and tasks they had to complete in order to put out the eBlast on time. Critical correspondence about Critical Correspondence. Lydia would reply to these emails via text message. Quicker and more to the point. Way funnier. As they worked together they became close friends and their professional text message exchange was interspersed with lively and rapid banter. Less critical, more correspondence. Talking and writing about performance is very important stuff but so is texting about going out dancing. For Lydia's birthday Amelia compiled some of the best texts Lydia had sent her over the past year and made it into a poem. Like a surrealist parlor game, their conversation turned into an exquisite corpse, a disjointed joint endeavor. 

On the occasion of Amelia leaving her post as co-editor at Correspondence, we are celebrating and immortalizing her contributions to Critical Correspondence by sharing the poem I'm hungry And in cocktail attire You may not recognize me

So, who wrote the poem? Does it matter?


I’m hungry
And in cocktail attire
You may not recognize me


I

Hi :)
Imagine watching dances then going on the ferris wheel
But I guess you were just there
Dates
Flirts

Do we press send on the Mailchimp or is that up to MR to do?
I wonder if it got messed up because a different time zone?

Do you want to win?
Me too. Smiling in a new and unusual way I think it’s ease.

They really do have EVERYTHING
I can’t decide
I love that first one
How to dance with a girl in a club

Hey dude,
Did anyone throw a fit of the new format?
Do you think they can manage all this or should we draft the emails?
I’m like move over bitch I’m changing shit.
Also they say they won’t be able to do their convo till October.

I wonder if Adrien Piper would talk to us.
Whatever we are punk
Maybe better for the time being

Oh shoot.

Maybe italics/bold/underline is something we could do?
I disabled two factor authentication.

II

After therapy or anytime before 2
Maybe you pick up a piece of chocolate for us to eat
We could have sugar in any form really
Must contain chocolate
And I’m not into like that dark kind that’s not sweet
So chocolate and sweet.

I just texted Greer that annoying text you
aren’t supposed to send to people hosting events.

Remind me to tell you about Despicable Me
I’m trying to decide if I should do a Park Slope Coop makeup
Gonna see how to get out of it
Like “I have to work”

You made an action and a choice
You weren’t demonizing
You were just feeling
You were still thirsty

It means it’s probably having a crush on you
It’s a flirt for sure
A tendency or desire to dangle you
You are in control of whether you dangle or not
I’m also being protective
Don’t you be filling some void

And I have no idea, I don’t know any men.

Ok, just risked electrocution working on CC
Oh and I technically don’t know how to Skype
I’m trying to invite you but idk if it’s working :/
Another art lesbian celebrity.
You know that person.
Not party lesbian.
Had something to do with that publication.
Oh wait I’m having lots of ideas.
More soon.

III

Wearing tight underwear today.
I’m actually standing on this train platform second guessing my ideas
You became a statue
This is just all so perplexing to me
Omg
The interns
I might end up on the same train as you. Watch out

You might absolutely hate it or think it’s great I really have no idea.
A sort of testing the waters thing.
You aren’t waiting inside of resentment
(FYI my phone may die)
If she were to reach out, like, if she wants to fuck
Is it worth it. Etc
Also I’m still on the sidelines wondering if she is probably just ... straight.

I accidentally stayed out late last night so may not make it to your festivities
Is it bad I don’t wanna go?
Predicting a 6:15 arrival
Omg! Wait I lied
The handle to the door to my apartment building just fell off and so I’m stuck inside
Gonna get tools to try to free myself.
Oh well then aren’t we perfectly synched
Dropped my phone. It looks better now. I’m at the bar

Maybe meet somewhere else?
Somewhere else allows for a range of experiences?
Maybe the somewhere else is casual enough to not be read as capital D date?
What was the body vibe? Touching? Sharing a snack?

Cute. Fire. Tequila. Rum cake. I talked to people I know and didn’t know.
Both of them older reputable white ladies.
Or I think white.
It feels good to be wanted

IV

My energy level is that of melting ice cream on the sidewalk.
Or a beached octopus.
Or a bird weighed down with oil.
Like I don’t have energy.
Like bad at negotiating distance and maybe scared to give too much?
Like lez problems
Sorry to bother you with this on the day of rest aka Sunday
In my dream we took a bath together
but the bath was a clay pot and we
had on sweatpants and you
were both giving me advice.
and yesterday we were playing
the game where you have to try
and say the same word
at the same time
and Tess said Joke
and I said Comedy

Hahhahahhahahhhhyahahhhhahahahahahgahghahhhhhahhhhha
And that’s nowhere near how long I just laughed

There’s a house but we have to find it.
There’s a cost but it’s not much.
There’s an idea and it’s really the best one we’ve had in a while.

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Amelia Bande

Amelia Bande is a writer working in performance, theater and film. Her plays Chueca and Partir y Renunciar were staged in Santiago, Chile. She is part of the Gel Film Series (2012- present) and she co...
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Lydia Okrent

Lydia Okrent is an artist working in the field of dance and performance. As a performer, Lydia has worked with Vanessa Anspaugh, Malin Arnell, Lauren Bakst, Strauss Bourque-LaFrance, Kim Brandt, Hilar...
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